By now we all know that loving yourself is important. But we also want to find love in relationship with other people. So the question many people have is, how can I develop self-love while also finding a romantic partner? In thinking about this, I’m reminded of one of A Course in Miracles’ main principles – we are all one. So loving yourself not only means being nice to yourself, but also being a loving person in general. Being kind and loving are forms of self-care, because by being loving, you are being yourself. Your true, authentic self is loving, kind and forgiving. And it feels good to be yourself. That’s why loving yourself and loving others go hand in hand. That’s number 1.
I think the sexiest thing in the world is a confident, happy woman.
Number 2, confidence and happiness are probably the most attractive qualities in the world. And don’t we all want to feel happy and confident? This is another example proving that we’re living in a win-win universe. When you work on creating happiness and confidence in your own life, you’ll already be happy (with or without a partner), and these same qualities are also what make you more likely to naturally attract a romantic partner. So if you want to find romantic love, you will want to make yourself as happy as you can be. When you look for a partner from a place of lack, you are likely to attract someone who feels incomplete too. And then you’re just two people desperate for the other person to complete them, and it won’t work because another person can never do that for you. That’s what A Course in Miracles calls a special relationship.
The opposite of the special relationship is a holy relationship, and A Course in Miracles says that in a holy relationship both people have “looked within and seen no lack”, meaning they are entering the relationship as two whole beings. They are already complete, and the relationship is just a place for them to share their love and joy with each other.
I remember hearing Marianne Williamson say that years ago she thought to herself that she wanted a man to take away her desperation. And then immediately followed that thought up with, “I should probably take care of that before he gets here.” Being desperate is not very attractive, is it? At least not to the kind of person you want to be with. She joked that no one would ever say, “I met this really desperate girl last night, sooooo . . . I think I’m gonna call her.”
You probably have an idea in your mind about the kind of person you’d want to be with. And when you think of them, I want you to ask yourself, Would they want to be with me? Would a person like that want to be with a person like me? Because so often we are overly focused on what kind of a partner we want, completely disregarding what kind of a person we would have to be in order to be a match with them. What I mean is, and this is another main point in A Course in Miracles, we should put the focus back on ourselves and make sure that WE ourselves are a great partner. So when you think of the kind of person you’d like to be with, how compatible would you be with them? What kind of person would you have to be in order to be a match with them? What points or areas would make a match between that kind of person and yourself difficult? Write them down, make a list, and see it as a personal development to-do list for yourself.
To be clear, I’m not saying you should change yourself in order to please a romantic partner. Not at all. What I’m saying is, you should try to fully inhabit yourself, your true self, and be the person that you’re capable of being, the person that you really want to be, the person that you know deep down you came here to be, your highest self that is waiting to be expressed. Because by doing that you will make yourself so happy in all areas of your life, by doing that you will fulfill your life purpose, and by doing that you will find deep peace. And yes, that will also mean that you’re more likely to connect with likeminded people, and that you will find a partner who is complete too, with whom you can have a healthy, happy relationship.
It is also important to remember that no person and no relationship is perfect. So don’t aim for perfection. But do aim for greatness in yourself and in your life. Because greatness is an aspect of your true self.
The ego believes in complexity. It believes that there are many different problems out there and that they all require a different, complicated remedy. But A Course in Miracles teaches us that there is only one problem and only one solution. One way to express them is to say, the only problem is that you’re not your true self, and the only solution is to unapologetically be yourself.
So by filling yourself up, allowing God to complete you, creating happiness in yourself and in your life, you are simultaneously healing ALL areas of your life, including your romantic life. Make sense?
And just to touch on the subject of confidence a little more for a moment, in my experience, making your health a priority by doing all the things that you know you should be doing, like following a workout and healthy nutrition plan, really boosts confidence. Not because it changes your body, but because you’re taking good care of yourself. We are often so hard on ourselves and on our bodies in particular, pointing out all our “flaws” and overlooking or playing down our beauty. But when we follow a workout and healthy eating plan, we are finally doing something nice for our body. We are treating it with care, we are learning to listen to our body, and we are taking good care of it. The reason this boosts confidence is because it makes you befriend your body, and appreciate it for all the great things it does for you; not just the way it looks. You notice yourself getting stronger, more energized, and able to do things that you couldn’t do before, which feels amazing! You start seeing exercise as a celebration of having a healthy body; not a punishment for what you’ve eaten. And you start seeing healthy nutrition as a way to treat your body with loving care; not as a punishment for how it looks. All of that combined boosts confidence (and of course your health) in a big way, because it’s hard to feel bad about a body that you’re taking good care of.
I’m really passionate about this topic because feeling comfortable in your skin – is pure bliss. It takes such a load off your shoulders, and clears your mind to think about more important things.
So to sum up, loving yourself, being a loving person, and finding romantic love go hand in hand. You will want to make happiness your primary goal. Focus on being happy NOW, with or without a partner. Follow your heart, follow your intuition, and be the kind of person you want to be and that you truly are. Be unapologetically you. Put the spotlight back on yourself, focus on being a great partner, instead of only thinking about what you want from the other person. Think about the kind of person you want to be with and ask yourself if you would be a match for them. And if you wouldn’t, what kind of changes would you have to make in order to be a match with a person like that? Hint, this part has to do with becoming your best self. It’s not about denying your true self in order to please another person, on the contrary, it’s about finally embracing, expressing, and fully inhabiting your true self. Finally, make health a priority too. I’m sure you already have a mental list of things you should do to be nicer to yourself and your body. Those repetitive thoughts, ideas and feelings are your inner guidance giving you action steps in response to your prayers. Follow them. Plus, vibrant health is one of those things that positively affects all areas of your life. Healthy nutrition, moving your body, and getting enough sleep make a BIG difference. You deserve to feel your best.
I hope this helps! Please post your insights, comments, and any more questions you might have below. I love hearing from you!
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